2025

May 2025

Flooding in the Mid-Atlantic region of the eastern US impacted several states, resulting in evactuations in some areas. There had only been one fatality.

May 28th, 2025

That 5k draft turned into an almost 8k first chapter. I'm kind of nervous that it won't be well recieved because that happened at one point, back when I used to make stuff for MP100. People can get really defensive about what they expect to be made (for free) for them. So I just deleted everything and moved what I had to an archive of PDFs and fanart. It's not even a moral issue, just that I guess I exceeded the acceptable limits of personal interpretation. I don't know and I try not to care. I created those pieces with a love for the series, though, so I guess I'm sharing them here because I can. Because at one point, I used to actually like how these turned out even if they were rough as hell. They look like ass to me now, but I got so excited to share them at one point.

May 26th, 2025

I wrote a 5k word draft today. My goal is 500k words, but I don't plan to sacrifice the plot or drag things out if I end up completing the story before that point. I want to write a minimum of 5k words per chapter and, as I'm rewriting and revising now, I've managed to bulk up 1000 words into 1800 words. It feels good being able to focus on something. My thoughts don't feel frantic and I'm not on the verge of a constant meltdown because everything feels wrong and overwhelming. I have lavender tea, a new CD player, and plenty of time to live and breathe. I don't need to live all at once. It's okay to take my time and save things for tomorrow.

May 21at, 2025

I hope everyone got a good laugh out of the past three months of increasingly unhinged, frantic, and distressed journal entries. I literally wrote it several times. 'Wow this is starting to look like a manic episode' and did not heed it once. Zero times. I don't have manic depression but whatever issues I do have follow a similar vein of logic. They're overwhelming, unpleasant, and completely strip me of human decency to make a mockery out of me with my own voice. I'm not even mad that some people probably came to see the spectacle with some morbid interest because what did I expect when I posted all that? On the internet? I really did just lose my whole damn mind.

I think I am calmer now, but I have said that and been wrong. It's just terrible in hindsight. In the moment, you are you, but looking back you are possessed. Your thoughts, words, and actions are all wrong in some way even if they're right. It doesn't help that I have the toxic tendency to take things way too personally when I'm already compromised. All I did was lash out like a dumb animal. A dumb, scared, pissed animal with nothing to offer but excuses and yappery. Ugh I wish I would have just shut up. I wanted to scream for me to just stop talking at all, ever again, because aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SO ANNOYING THIS IS WHY NO ONE SHOULD LIKE YOU.

But now I am relatively calmish now.

Relative to pure chaos, at least.