J O U R N A L

December 02, 2024

I'm about to start college for computer science. Because of that, this site will largely go neglected. It's not that I don't care and won't return, but more like I'm going to try to give it my all. I'm building another, more professional, webpage that I'll be keeping up with as I go along and I doubt I'll have the energy to keep up with two websites while worrying about accidentally creating a link between me and this website (I don't want them to read my web journal man) or burning out because I can't handle my self-imposed workload.

Aside from that, I'm doing fine. Hurricane season is over, I've accepted that I've destroyed several relationships that won't be coming back, and instead of rotting I'm just moving forward. I don't deserve to be happy nor successful, but I'm not asking for permission. I am selfishly asking for forgiveness in the most cruel form possible by no longer punishing myself for my failures. I can't take any of it back and I shouldn't have to carry that for my entire life. We were both very hurt and very dumb. I deserve to at the very least live and I need to find some ounce of peace with it to move on.

On the off chance you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm angry and I'm sorry. I hope you're angry and sorry, too. Not for me now, but for the girl you drove to the brink out of jealousy and insecurity. I used to be an extrovert and now I border on agoraphobia. You tried to scam me when you apologized last time and so, if you can't be angry for what I've done, you can at least have the decency to actually feel sorry. I've spent years being sorry and now I'm so angry that I can't stand it. You told me why you did it, but I don't get it. Why couldn't you just talk to me? I never want to talk to you again but I think about the ways we could've stayed friends all the time.