J O U R N A L

June 06, 2024

I haven't slept or eaten much in the past week. I'm used to not feeling hunger but I'm not used to not being tired after so long. I decided to use the extra energy to update my site and ended up overhauling everything. Again. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with this thing.

Despite saying I wouldn't, I started drawing again. I tried not to. I really tried, but it's like all I am. All I see myself as is an artist. I'm not even human when I'm holding a pen. It's always been like this and I can't make people understand how much I hate art. Without it, I have nothing worth praising or looking at. I hate being percieved but not feeling seen is just as bad sometimes. I want to exist as a theoretical entity rather than something that has a name and history. I also want to feel like a proper human being. Both at the same time, all the time, forever and never.

To top that off, life keeps throwing things at me. None of them are more than I can handle, but all of them are a pain to deal with. Just enough to want to complain and yet too small to really justify it. In the end, I'm not even really suffering, I'm just tired and annoyed.